C: What are you going to do for your last week of freedom?

N: Je ne sais pas. I’m probably going to paint a lot. I haven’t been working on them… well kind of, but I’ve been doubting my painting ability.

C: How come?

N: I don’t know. It’s just a phase I think. I sit down in front of the stuff and I don’t… necessarily know the best, most decisive thing to do. And I’m mostly doing it sober these days and that’s interesting too 'cause… mmm… being drunk or being high, you do it on a more intuitive level. 

C: You think so?

N: Kind of. Like, I wouldn’t think about it as much. But now I’m more conscious that whatever action I take, whatever colour I choose, or the way that I hold the brush or what brush it is, it has like… an effect. And I don’t know what I’m trying to get across necessarily. I feel like I need to grow and change the way that I paint, but that doesn’t happen overnight, you know what I mean? And if I try to do things that are too far from what I’m feeling, just to push the boundaries or something, then it turns out in a way that I don’t - didn’t want it to. Or that I didn’t understand or intended it to, just 'cause it’s like, trying something new. It’s hard to explain but I think you understand. I'm sure it's the same when you sit down to write. You can let the words flow out of you that are there, or you can try and consciously structure them. 

C: Practice. Doing. Doing it and doing it and doing it. Because it’s inevitable that you get better, even if it's all shitty right now, 'cause you’re going to learn something.

N: [shakes her head out upside down] My hair looks all crazy, sorry. Yeah of course! 'Cause you learn something, that’s it. It’s like life. Making shit is like life! You do something and it teaches you something. Ahhh! So fun to be alive.

C: SO fun to be alive!


(header image is a painting of MACBA in Barcelona by N, available for purchase here.)